When your body reacts before your head does. That happened to me yesterday. The actions were so validated. Validated by no effort shown at all. You called me, you dragged me into this again. I honestly thought you wanted it from the bottom of your heart. The red flag was there, hearing about your "most amazing month ever". I thought to myself, how can you have had the most amazing month when my heart has been bleeding every single minute? I welcomed your call and came back with open arms. Thinking about past habits and told myself to at least try to make this time around different. I tried. at least I put effort in. I tried to ignore all past triggers from previous experiences. I had a plan on how to orientate myself around your chaos. One week later, my heart is soon completely emptied out of blood. The empty answers you leave to my questions, the escaping answers deflecting the subject. You do not want to share life with someone. You want to live your life and have someone around when it suits you. At least you're honest, "I've become selfish and I only think about myself ". Thank you for sharing. Why the fu*k did you drag me back into your life when you already knew you weren't even going to try?! Yeah, I agree, you are selfish! You might think Im playing games by staying completely quiet. I'm not. The silence is a reflection of my heart shutting down.

Key note to self: One of the hardest thing is to heal alone but you have no idea the power of it afterwards.